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Year of the Alfano
Produced in November 1997, the Year of The Alfano compact disc included fifteen new tracks and highlights from Acid Trip Blues. Here are the lyrics with brief liner notes supplied by Troy Scott.

As a special bonus, this disc contains the special edition of game Vinnie's Tomb Chapter Two - Shine and Glow Vinnie.

A special edition of the CD was released in 2000.

Track listing Edit

Original Track ListingEdit

  1. Overture (Instrumental)
  2. Traitor Beach
  3. The Mike Alfano Saga Part One
  4. Mask On My Face
  5. The Mike Alfano Saga Part Two
  6. One Way Street (5 For Phil)
  7. The Mike Alfano Saga Part Three
  8. Oh Magico
  9. The Mike Alfano Saga Part Four
  10. Come Rock and Roll
  11. The Mike Alfano Saga Part Five
  12. The Chip King
  13. Tough Guy Blues
  14. The Mike Alfano Saga Part Six
  15. Do The Alfano

Bonus TracksEdit

  1. Jack The Reaper
  2. Kick Back
  3. Norman Voorman
  4. Ice Cream Man Theme / I'll Do It Anyway / Acid Trip Blues / So Unusual / Magic Time / Spring (Instrumental)
  5. Fred's Romance (Slowed Down Version)
  6. Baby In Blue (Slowed Down Version)
  7. Jim The Miner (Slowed Down Version)
  8. Sputter (Slowed Down Version)
  9. The Petty Song (Slowed Down Version)
  10. The Pasquale & The Sherberts Song (Slowed Down Version)
  11. Drum solo excerpt from "John Washington" / Acid Classic III (Instrumental)
  12. Acid Trip Blues
  13. Do The Alfano (Mono Mix)

Lyrics and liner notesEdit

Year of the Alfano liner notes

Overture (Instrumental)Edit

Features themes from "Do The Alfano", "The Chip King", "Oh Magico", "One Way Street (Five For Phil)" Written and performed by Troy Scott

Traitor BeachEdit

Lyrics by Troy Scott and Scott Soroko
Music by Troy Scott
Performed by Troy Scott

Oh Traitor Beach
Why did you have to leave?
Are they payin' you more money?
That I can't believe
People rather angry
No longer they could teach
The only thing to save them
Is bringing back the Beach
Beach walked in one day
Said "Boy's I'm outta here"
Everyone was shocked
Except Billy with the beer
Kids ran down the hall
They hacked into the lab
Poor Joe Ragany was all that we had
We walked into the lab
Joe was sobbing on the floor
The kids replaced new Pentiums
With Commodore 64's
The hackers at the school
Once shied away with fear
The wrath of traitor Beach
As he threw them off a pier
Even the department heads
Never played him for a fool
They became so petrified
They rarely came to school
Little Dougie Smiles
The bugger of them all
Finally learned a lesson
Nailed to the wall
Kids they got suspended
And thrown out in the hall
Traitor Beach would bounce them
Just like a rubber ball
(*Boing!*)
A hundred porno pictures
In the Novel lab
Beach would slap their faces
With a large sharp steel slab
Like Elvis with his badge
He would come into a school
All afraid of Cybercop
The kids all played it cool
Juice was down in Vegas
And Beach came a lookin'
He pounded him in the ground
And said "I don't like your cookin'"
He'd sell drugs on the corner
Juice ratted to the cops
Beach wiped out Juice's mob
As Johnny grew the crops
(But John, wasn't hurt anybody?)
He always had a story
A hit with all the staff
Just the way he told it
Always made us laugh
He got so red and mad
He made the basement shake
He'd throw equipment all around
When he had all he could take
To get away from it all
He'd head up to New Liskeard
Even with him there
He'd bring a world of hurt
The poor guy in the front
Only had a little car
Traitor Beach smacked him good
And met Billy at the bar

This is the song that kicked off the song cycle. It's a slight exaggeration on the true chronicles and exploits of Mr. Shayne Beechey. It was also the first song Scott Soroko and Troy Scott wrote together.

The Mike Alfano Saga Part OneEdit

Featuring Mike Alfano

Mask On My FaceEdit

Written and performed by Troy Scott

I put a mask on my face
I can't show myself in public
I can't bear to think about
What I've done
Although I did it just for fun
I guess I'm just a disgrace
So I put a mask on my face
The jokes on me for the queen did say
"We are not amused by the games you play"
The people on the street threw stones at me
A funnyman I guess I'll never be
I've got bad taste, I'll admit it's true
But I never thought it would make me blue
I guess I'm just a disgrace
So I put a mask on my face

This song begins with an impromptu instrumental, which is unfortunately far from melodic.

The Mike Alfano Saga Part TwoEdit

Featuring Scott Soroko

One Way Street (5 For Phil)Edit

Written and performed by Troy Scott

I went in a bar
Sat down not far
From a butcher.
Said pull up a chair
Get a whiff of the air
And start choking.
Say Ya play pool
I know I'm a fool
Must be joking.
[Chorus]
One way street
Five for Phil
One way street
Five for Phil
One way street
Five for Phil
Take your time boss said
When I'm kicked in the head
He was laughing.
Pulled out a knife
Said this is your life
I'm not kidding.
He grabbed for his gun
Made for a run
He went winning.
[Chorus]
I shot a ball in a corner
Said can you top it?
He started shooting and didn't end
I said "Stop it."
You won all right but he started to fight
And the lights went.
Knife in my hand
It followed through
And he dropped dead.
[Chorus]

This is a variation on a song I wrote long ago under the pseudonym of Roy Vung. It tells the story of a tragic encounter with an overzealous drunken pool shark.

The Mike Alfano Saga Part ThreeEdit

Featuring Jay Jason Justin Juice Magico Maggio (take your pick)

Oh MagicoEdit

Lyrics by Troy Scott and Scott Soroko
Music by Troy Scott
Performed by Troy Scott
Additional background vocal by James Roper
Includes a sample by Mike Alfano

Oh Magico
You're a traitor too
When we talk behind your back
You don't even have a clue
You went to the third floor
Robert's old domain
Moved from your abode
Washed out by the rain
Alfano's in your spot now (This is Mike Alfano)
Looking to make his mark
He looks rather washed up
Like Fonzie in an ark (Swing it!)
You head to the casino
Like it's your second home (Yeah!)
With your hair all va-voomed (Va-va-voom!)
And the little beard you've grown
You walk into the bar
Like you own the place
You lose all of your money
You're called a big disgrace
They ask you to play blackjack
In the millionaires pit
Just like Cousin Billy Bobscoe
You say "Forget about it"
Now you've moved to Special-Ed
It seems kind of fitting
You'll be so bored alone upstairs
You'll probably take up knitting
With Roberts there before you
There must be lots of things to do
But you're just as much the slacker
You live at Costco too
You've got your expense account
But it quickly has diminished
Strange thing is two weeks ago
You got your Christmas shopping finished
Your family is so famous
They really rule town hall
Down at East Side Mario's
Uncle Gweedo's pictured on the wall
Uncle Gweedo is your favorite
With him you'll always sing
(Ad Lib, "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bam-bara-boom-bara-bim")
The mileage on your car
It's in the Guinness book
Take a trip to Niagara Falls
You can all have a look
Some call you Juice or Justin
It makes your parents so irate
We all know your password
It's … *backmasked numbers accompanied by the faint version of the same numbers, but not backmasked*
(Forget about it.)

Troy debated whether or not to re-record this song from scratch. It is a bit patchy in places. Perhaps you'll find a re-make on the next Reldni collection!

The Mike Alfano Saga Part FourEdit

Featuring Cesare DiDonato

Come Rock and RollEdit

Written and performed by Troy Scott

[Verse 1]
Get down, baby
Come and dance with me
We will go and do a twisting dance
We might even spare a little romance
[Chorus]
Come Rock And Roll
Feel it in your soul
Come on let's go
To the show
Come Rock And Roll
Feel it in your soul
[Verse 2]
Get down, baby
Kiss me all the night
Then maybe we'll hold each other tight
[Chorus]
[Bridge]
(Hey, John's not dancing!)
[Verse 1]
[Chorus]
[Verse 2]
[Chorus]

This is a very simple song akin to the Theme sessions of the early eighties. Sadly, all but a few recordings from this early part of Troy's illustrious recording career exist.

The Mike Alfano Saga Part FiveEdit

Featuring Mike Alfano

The Chip KingEdit

Written and performed by Troy Scott

There's a dragon on the corner
But across a little more
In a parking lot you'll see a shack
Near Canadian Tire store
I was driving in a gravel pit
Had nothing else to do
Stones hit my windshield
It made me sad and blue
(I better get over the Canadian Tire, I gotta...get a screwdriver and a shield pad (?))
I went to get a sausage
It wasn't very far
When I came back
Some punk slipped a paper on my car
(Hey, get away from my car!)
He said, "don't be alarmed sir
I'm just giving you a tip
Pull up by my shack
And I can fix that chip"
[Chorus]
He's The Chip King
Please don't call him a jerk (I'm no jerk!)
He's The Chip King
He makes his own work (Watcha doin' in my car?)
If you're windshield has a chip
You should know what to do
Take it to the chip king
He'll make it look brand new
Yahoo!
He used to be a student
With a Boba Fett tattoo
He tried to be a trustee
But I guess that fell through
He distributed snack magic
With a bearded face
Now he's the great Chip King
Just in a parking space
He wanders round the parking lot
In search of a chipped car (In search of a chipped car)
If he cannot find one
He'll use a small crowbar
[Chorus]

Even co-op students face the distinct possibility of having a song written about them. They can then live in luxury after suing Troy for millions in some trumped up slander lawsuit.

Tough Guy BluesEdit

Written and performed by Troy Scott

I was on the beach with my girl
When some guy kicked sand on me
He looked very strong like big King Kong
And he laughed with a fiendish glee
He made me mad and I did say
I'll get even with you one day
I was reading a comic book in my chair
I read an advertisement pictured in there
It said "Don't be a wimp, you can be strong
Buy this book, you can't go wrong
To get in shape, strong as an ape
Order the book, don't hesitate, don't you wait!"
Don't you be a Jack Ass
Just call Charles Atlas
I ordered the book, it finally came
I was ready to play the game
I'd have more muscles than you have seen
All the girls will think I'm a dream
If some strong fink wants to get rough
I'll beat him up, cause I'll be tough
I'll no longer be a Jack Ass
Thanks to Charles Atlas
Back on the beach here I am
Here comes the bruiser once again
I wait 'till he kicks sand in my face
Then I'll put him in his place
He'll be the Jack Ass
Thanks to Charles Atlas
Well now I'm arrested by the police
For assault and disturbing the peace
I guess I'm now the Jack Ass
Thanks to Charles Atlas

This track materialized into a poem instead of a song.

The Mike Alfano Saga Part SixEdit

Featuring Cesare DiDonato

Do The AlfanoEdit

Lyrics by Troy Scott and Scott Soroko
Music by Troy Scott
Performed by Troy Scott

Alright, everybody. Get ready, to do... THE ALFANO!
Do the Alfano if you can
Can you tell Michael is a man?
No more comedy night at 54
When Mike Alfano hits the floor
It's party weekend with Mike Alfano (Hey, I could probably use this!)
We can watch Michael play his banjo
Like the Macarena, we all really hate it
But you have to be nice
'Cause Alfano made it
He took his tour to space
They're all trying to ban it
The last headline read:
"Get Alfano off our planet!"
When Mike puts on his glitter pants
He looks like a girl doing a dance
(He looks really cheesy in his glitter pants)
(*metal clanks*)
Alfano is the toast of the town
He's always getting burned
We couldn't get away
He was everywhere we turned
I'm scared to say it
But it's Alfano that we feared
Johnny had to hide
So he grew the beard
(But he's not hurt anybody?)
Look at Web Boy acting cool
People think he's still in school
(Put their uniform on, you little bugger.)
Forget the Penguin
Forget the Slide
Do the Alfano
It's the greatest ride! (Yeah, everything jailed.)
The Alfano is the latest sensation
Sweeping across the Canadian nation
Down in Ottawa, they're all fools
Everybody knows Alfano rules
Johnny's gonna take a chance
Watch him do the Alfano dance

Mike Alfano created this dance while grooving to "Polka 'Till You Drop II". His lame dance became the subject of much ridicule. Troy wrote the original lyrics and Scott changed some of the verses and added a few new lines.

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